My 18 year old son has a 7 month old baby with his now ex-girlfriend. We just went to an appointment with MS DHS regarding her filing an order to have him pay child support.

My question is this...if she, only 17, still lives at home and her parents are supporting the baby, and my son still lives at home so I'm supporting the baby, how is it right for my son to pay them child support? The mother gets all food from WIC. We don't get WIC. I understand by law my son has to pay support but who is going to support us? Who helps us pay for forumula, food, diapers, clothes, etc. since he lives at home and is also currently not working because he is going to school. We have the baby 50% of the time because the mother, young as she is, doesn't want to care for the baby all of the time because it eats into her social life.

They made him make his decision today on what to do so he signed that he agrees to a set amount monthly so now he has to get a job. I just wonder if I had taken my chances in court with a private attorney something could be worked out while both minor parents still live with their parents who are paying for everything.
And on a side note....why isn't anyone with DHS ever on the father's side? The DHS office was covered up in pamphlets and posters making derogatory statements about fathers and their paying of child support. What about mothers who use their kids as leverage against fathers, or refuse to allow visits or spend their support on new cars, clothes...yes I've witnessed all of that and more, as many have I'm sure. That is so depressing. Just my 2 cents.
Thanks,
JSW

How is it not right he support his child? He has both a legal and moral responsibilty to support his child. Theres no way around that

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Ok, I'm not saying he shouldn't pay and that it is not right he pay. By all means he most definitely should when he is OUT, on his own... He is still my dependent. The baby's mother is still under her parents roof as well. Neither kids have a job. I help and support right now by keeping the baby 3-4 days/nights a week. I buy our diapers/food/clothes, etc....they buy their diapers/clothes, etc (they get WIC though)... no day care is needed....all is good. And to add to it..her home is a 2 parent home..I am a single parent of a single parent.

My point and question is what are our chances of going to court and working out something while these kids are still living at home? THe grandparents are supporting the baby, not them, because they are kids. I understand the whole cliche they play they pay, they are adults now, etc. etc...but in reality, they are not adults. They are still teenagers living at home going to school. Until the baby's parents are both out on their own and the mother NEEDS financial support from the father why are kids made to pay child support? In situations where both parents are minors living at home going to school does a judge consider these things in making decisions about child support, especially when none is really needed at the time.

All of which is terribly unfortunate, not only for the families burdened by the cost of raising grandchildren when their OWN children aren't yet out on their own, but for the child in question as well; having parents who are basically dependant on their parents to provide for TWO generations.

On the other hand, it would appear that BOTH sets of grandparents failed to either adequately supervise or educate the teen parents in question about the possibility of this situation arising - but most teen parents don't have any concept that the 15 minutes that it took to MAKE the baby equates to at least 18 years of working to support that baby - even if you're 16. Legally, you're only responsible for paying for expenses for your son - unless you obtain guardianship of the infant (and thus legal responsibility) through the courts. But as most doting and loving grandparents do, you're stepping up to make sure the child has food, clothes, diapers, etc. It's tough and expensive to raise another child - especially one you didn't have a choice in adding to your family - but realize that legally, doing so is a CHOICE, even though emotionally and morally you understandibly feel compelled to do so. The legal responsibility for the expenses isn't yours, it's your son's.

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Well I'm not sure why none of my replies are posting but I'll try this again....I certainlyl think he should support once he is OUT on his own. My question and point was what are our chances in court? Would a judge even care or consider that both parents are minors and are not working and would court work something out with lesser or no child support until they are on their own when support is needed. Right now it really isn't needed as there is no day care expense and they get all food from WIC. They do pay their own diapers and clothes and I buy our own diapers, clothes AND food since we don't get any WIC. Plus we have the baby 50% of the time. I just wonder if we should have chosen the option to go to court.

And you know, I really thought I had this covered 100% with my son. I am an extremely involved single mother and maybe was just too strict. I talked with my son about the physical, emotional and spiritual implications, consequences, etc of premarital sex since he was 10 years old. I don't think any parent could have been as open and honest and talkative about that topic as I was for 7-8 years of his life. Every chance I got or when the topic came up we talked about it. He asked questions and I could not have educated him more than I did. I set clear strict rules about no girl friends over when I was not home. Lights are on, doors open, etc..I also made sure the same rules applied at her house. I went overboard with it on purpose because I had my son out of wedlock and did NOT want the same to happen to him no matter waht it took....but...it still happened with him. Kids are STILL going to do what they want to do. How or when, I have no idea because there couldn't in my mind have been a chance for it to happen but kids will make that chance if they think it is what they want.

The child needs support. The parents (both of them) current living situation does not change that! This is one of the consequences of when children have children. Why should the child suffer (lack of support) and wait for Dad to get his caca together!

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Your best advice legal advice does not come from internet message boards, Police, friends, family, your neighbors etc.It comes from an Attorney. Advice given here should not replace legal advice from a qualified Attorney.
Non legal parenting and relationship issues http://www.parentnook.com/forum/

Have you browsed through the information in LawInfo's Free Legal Resource Center to learn more about your issue yet? See: http://www.lawinfo.com/consumer.html. You can certainly try to speak to a lawyer to determine what legal options may be available. In the meantime, you may be able to learn more on your own. Search the "Free Legal Resources" tab, or browse the Consumer Resources. Good luck.

See also: http://resources.lawinfo.com/Search.html?&q=child support&fq=stateName:Mississippi

Thanks moderator. I will do that.
I had no idea I would meet such hostility here. But it doesn't surprise me since people generally have not faced what I have time and time again with how mothers can act when it comes to child support. Most are always on the mother's side no matter what the father's situation is. I am a single mother who never received a penny of support...not because I didn't want it and you know what...I survived. But looking back I would much rather have had a loving devoted fathe for my son, like my son is to his baby, than all the child support money in the world.

People really are generally incompassionate and have their priorities totally messed up.

Wrong aardvark hears this almost daily!

__________________
Your best advice legal advice does not come from internet message boards, Police, friends, family, your neighbors etc.It comes from an Attorney. Advice given here should not replace legal advice from a qualified Attorney.
Non legal parenting and relationship issues http://www.parentnook.com/forum/

OK we'll take this from the top:

Because it's not the responsibility of her parents to support the child. It's the responsiblity of the child's mother and father (your son) to do so. If your son would like to collect WIC and child support from her, he needs to seek custody himself. Whoever has primary custody of the baby gets the benefits and child support. That you've allowed the child to spend so much time under your roof and care is wonderful and will no doubt play a part in your grandchild growing up loved, nurtured, and with solild and loving ties to you, but it doesn't change the legal realities at hand.

YOU are not entitled to WIC. This isn't a "we" legal situation. You have nothing to do with your son's responsiblity for the child, no matter how much you want to interject yourself into the situation. If your SON gets custody of the child, HE can ask for WIC and child support. Your son, and only your son, is enjoined to the child legally or financially, wether he would receive benefits or be liable for support. You and your son are TWO separate legal entities, not a legal "we". If you were hit by a train tomorrow, the legal situation regarding the child wouldn't change, your son would STILL owe child support unless and until HE became the custodial parent.

You are responsible for supporting yourself, and your minor son, just like before the baby came along. Your SON, and ONLY your son, is responsible for meeting HIS financial obligation to support his child. If you CHOOSE to provide MORE than that level of support, it's great - but you are under NO legal obligation to do so. This LEGALLY isn't your problem. Certainly there are deeper social issues and issues of the courts involved, but debating them until the cows come home will not change the legal standing of the issue at hand. Yes, mothers can and do manipulate the system. Yes, just as many fathers do too. Knowing this doesn't CHANGE that your son created a child that he is legally obligated to support.

You've got to get it into your head to stop using "us". Legally THERE IS NO "US". There is your son, and ONLY your son. HE has the baby 50% of the time - and he has it under your roof because he made a child without having a roof of his own - and you've been generous enough to allow him to have his visitation time at your home. That doesn't make YOU responsible.

Look, I know you're looking for a sweet and supportive answer. There isn't one in cases where minors have children they can't support. Your son has cast you into a role where you have two choices: you can help, voluntarily, to support the child HE created to the detrement of your own time and finances, or, you can be a hardass and tell your son to get a job (or two) for every moment he's not at school, to deal with the issue that HE created and to leave you out of it. Every time you buy diapers, morally, your son owes you half, and the child's mother owes you half. Legally, since this isn't your child, the obligation is only a MORAL one and not a legal one.

Over time you'll probably switch back and forth between these feelings and places in between as circumstances change. But the cold hard reality is that no matter HOW messed up the system might be, ultimately NEITHER set of grandparents parents were successful at preventing their children from bringing a child into the world, and are going to shoulder some of the burden of helping these minors raise a child. It's never going to be fair or equal, because NONE of the grandparents, short of a court's order stating otherwise, has ANY obligtion regarding this child. Both sides will end up helping as little or as much as they want or are capable of. If you wanted it to be fair and equal, your son should have been instructed to get income statements and tax returns from the other side of the family before having sex. But it's a moot point now. Your son CHOSE this girl to be the mother of his child. He CHOSE someone who wasn't an adult, couldn't support herself, much less a child, and faces the same problems he does of how to go to school, earn money to support the child, and supervise the child all at the same time. Fortunately for the child, both parents have their OWN parents, who have stepped up to help. It's not a fair situation. It probably never will be.

Even if the mother DIDN'T receive WIC, he would STILL face child support payments - unless and until HE is the custodial parent. Even having a private attorney would not have changed the legal reality that the only people responsible, legally, for the child's support are the teen parents. A court cannot order grandparents to support grandchildren unless the court ALSO grants those grandparents guardianship of (and thus legal responsibility for) those children.

__________________
While pointers can be helpful, ultimately the number one lesson in any legal action is: don't take legal advice from books, family, friends, co-workers, police officers, grocery clerks, web sites, or people on legal message boards. The only person who can give YOU legal advice is YOUR attorney.

http://www.aardvarc.org