I am a father who has had an arrangement with the mother of my child since we split up when our son was a year old. Now he's nearly three. I had to move about two hours away for work but still see our son 3-4 days/week. We have had this arrangement since I moved out. I pick him up on Thursday night and drop him off Monday morning or evening depending on the week.

Recently she decided she wanted him on some weekends. I decided it was time to get everything in writing and make it official. We went to mediation today and I am pushing for getting him one week on/one week off. The mediator made it sound like since he is only 3, i have no chance of getting him for 7 days at a time. She said the most we could do was 3 days since he's three years old and it's usually age dependent on how long the child can be seperated from each parent. Is this true? Mostly I am wanting this arrangement to make daycare arrangements easier/less driving for him/more stability etc. Any advice on how to make my argument in court? Do i really have no chance?

We have not had many problems working out joint custody unofficially so far, but she absolutely will not go a week on, a week off. She's a little unstable and although she says it's going to be too hard for him (which I know isn't true--as our son is very well adjusted), she has also stated "i just can't be away from him that long". She has also started some manipulation with crying when he's with me so he feels bad about being with me. He has started saying "mom cries when i go with you". What should I do?? any help or experience with CA law will be much appreciated!

Is the county you are in a recommending or non recommending for the fcs [mediation]? This makes a difference in whether you ask for a long order to show cause and subpoena the mediator and ask questions or if this is done at the order to show cause or other hearing. What county is your case in and perhaps I will know if it is recommending or non recommending.

The Judges, 90%+ of the time in my experience in San Diego, follow the FCS recommendations for the majority of the mediator's opinion. If you feel that the decision was gender biased or non age appropriate, then you can ask the Judge not to follow the mediation recommendation and will need evidence and documents to support your position.

__________________
Roy M. Doppelt
Pinkerton, Doppelt & Associates, LLP
www.divorce.help411.com
roy@help411.com

I knew somene with a similar order.They lived 90 minutes apart. Child was 1 yr when parents split and had an arrangement (that mediator recommended) of every 3 days exchange, then at 4 yrs old was a 4 day exchange and then when the child became of school age they elected week to week on their own. This may be what has to be for you and by the time your child is 5, your ex will learn to understand the child is mature enough not to forget who his/her mother is in 7 days time.

Maybe mentioning to your ex that she'd be spending 4 straight hours in a car twice a week with an "every 3 days" arrangement might sway her feelings some, because when she decides she doesn't want to make the drive- she's out of compliance, etc etc etc... do you see what I'm saying?? Also, how comfortable is any 3 yr old in a car for two hours and doing that twice a week. Just food for thought. Good luck!