help my girlfriend and i want to get a pfma charge dismissed

#1 12-23-2007, 06:27 AM

I was recently arrested for a pfma charge resulting from a altercation between my girlfriend and i. she called the police, and i was arrested based on the statement she gave, however she was very drunk at the time(.176) i had a little to drink but was below the leagal limit for driving(.073) she stated at the time of my arrest that she did not want to press charges and still does not however a no contact order has been put in place and we are unable to see or speak to each other. she has filed to have the no change order amended but has be treated as though she is guilty too, she has been told by victim services that a judge wont even look at the order for at least a week and told the same by the secretary of the court. she was frustrated by this and made it clear to the victim services person of this, she was told by victim services not to be mad at them but to be mad at me. we both feel completely powerless and just want this to be dropped, we love each other very much and this seperation is hurting us both. it seems as though once the police are involved everyones rights and priveleges are infringed upon. please help

aardvarc · #2 12-23-2007, 08:19 AM

She has the right not to call the police. The police however have a DUTY to do their job once they are notified. The job of the police in domestic situations is NOT to break up fights and tell everyone to kiss and make up. She made the decision to involve the police - whose job is LAW ENFORCEMENT. If they felt that you violated the law, then it's not up to them to play marriage counselor and smooth things over. It's their job to follow the law, which in most states now means making an arrest on whoever is deemed to be the primary aggressor. She might feel bad that she got an outcome that she didn't want, but YOU put her in that position. When people are frightened, threatened, scared, mad, or whatever, they do what makes sense at the time. For her, that meant calling the police. If you "love each other very much" then learn how to have a disagreement like rational human beings to avoid situations that end up with one of you calling the police - because once that happens it's out of her hands.

You're not in for an easy time of this. Due to the very deadly nature of domestic violence, automatic restraining orders are fairly common. Get yourself a good defense attorney, don't violate the order, and do exactly what the court sets out for you (probably a domestic violence class or anger management or something similar). If you show that you are willing and able to follow the rules set out by the court, you'll have an easier time of the process when asking the court to lift the order. But be VERY careful - any small violation will only be seen by the court as absolute evidence that the order IS needed!!!

Unhealthy relationship dynamics are seldom completely one sided. It wouldn't hurt for her to reach out for some support too (like her local domestic violence program).