i live in az and he lives in ca..i have son from him...there is domestic violence in the past and got several restraining order againist him and it was to the point where i couldnt handle it so we got a divorce and settled visitation in court..went back to court on and off for 2 years..then he dissapeared hadnt heard from him in over a year and a half , and he stopped paying child support to....a year ago i married into the mililtary and my husband is the only father figure he knows he provides everything for him,,.i want my ex to sign over rights and my husband wants to adopt him...what do i need to do to get him to sign over his rights? please help.....

Start by asking him if he wants to agree to this. If he does, then step dad can file for the adoption and the termination of parental rights can go hand in hand. If dad doesn't want to willingly terminate rights, then you're going to need an attorney to attempt a contested termination with adoption.

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ok thank you...does the adoption or change of custody have to be done in the court i began the process in?

Yes it does

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Your best advice legal advice does not come from internet message boards, Police, friends, family, your neighbors etc.It comes from an Attorney. Advice given here should not replace legal advice from a qualified Attorney.
Non legal parenting and relationship issues http://www.parentnook.com/forum/

adoption hasnt not been started yet....so can i do that at a different state?

Have you browsed through the information in LawInfo's Free Legal Resource Center to learn more about your issue yet? See: http://www.lawinfo.com/consumer.html and http://resources.lawinfo.com/en/index.html. You can certainly try to speak to a lawyer to determine what legal options may be available. In the meantime, you may be able to learn more on your own. Search the "Free Legal Resources" tab, or browse the Consumer Resources. Good luck.