Five yrs ago my 85 yr old mother came to live with me, willingly.
she has since been diagnosed with Alz Disease. She denies it. She has three other children who live within visiting distance. Not one of them has called her or sent her holiday cards or visited her. They all know where she lives and the phone number and address and that she has Alz.

She gave me DPOA some months ago. THe notary asked her questions to see if she knew what she was signing and she said yes, and did so.

We have a joint checking account where the bills are paid. She keeps the check book and only gives it to me to pay the bills and buy food. She is obsessed with it and repeatedly loses everything in her purse...then blames others. When we show her where it is she thinks we planted it there. I know she can't help it, but my mother has always been a very mean and unloving mother. I love her anyway.

She has gotten to the point where she can barely walk and barely stand. We have to bring her food to her...when she decides to eat it....her usual diet is coffee and cookies...thats all she really wants.

Lately all I've heard is how I made her come here after she got out of the hospital. She was in the hospital for being unruly and violent last year. They even had to restrain her. That is what she is telling people and us. That she dcidn't come to live with me, just to visit and now she is ready to go home.

I hear this day in and day out. I have been in this house with her for almost 5 yrs and she never leaves my side..i'm not allowed to have a life if she isn't included, so I am friendless and all I have are my children, grown with families of their own. She was very mean to them when they were children and they find it hard to tolerate her, even with her illness....this disease has seemed to make her meaner than ever.

I don't have any legal gaudianship papers over her. I can't afford to go to lawyers. Since my siblings don't speak ther I don't think they should have any say in this. What I want to know is this..can her Alz Doctor fill out an affidavit of incompetence for me so I can put her in a nursing home? Or do I have to go to court? She hates it here and so I think she needs to be where she can properly be cared for. I have a grown daughter who is seeing an oncologist for low white blood count.....we are worried....we have no money so we are borrowing from friends who want it back with interest.

I have a degenerative back problem and thyroid disease with Dysthymia and major depressive disorder.

I need to know what I am allowed to do without going to the courts. My mother has about $6000 in our joint checking account and gets over $2000 a month military compensation and social security. I only get $1050 a month, which goes to my 2000 car and mortage payment. My husband drowned in 1994 and I stayed at home afterwards and cared for my children. So basically without my mother I am going to be destitute....unless she can get on medicaid, which I don't know how if she has money in a checking account.

I sound cold and cruel and I know I look awful, but my family is in crisis and my mother doesn't want to be here and I have to make sure my daughter finds out what is causing all her medical problems...she has spit up blood a couple times, but no insurance and no money. I have to help my child.

She won't go to a day care facility to be with people her own age, she wants me around her or she wants to fo HOME.....and there is no home, except with me.



















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I can understand that this is a frustrating situation for you. I would suggest that you speak with her doctor about your options. He should be able to help you out since you have power of attorney.