I am a father of my 4 year old daughter, I ll give you a run down version so you may understand
I had my daughter in Jan 2006, we lived in Alaska, I joined the Army and me and my ex had to write up an agreement that I had no obligation to her so that I could join, signed by both of us. I joined and left for basic in Aug 2006, we got married on my xmas leave in dec 2006. When I got to my first duty station I had them move with me in NC, she started seeing some guy while I was in the field for 2 weeks. I came home to find this out as she left when I was in the shower and left our daughter on the floor crying, leave it be that she went home very shortly after that, I sent my daughter with her since I was unable to provide for her while I was at work and didnt make enough to afford a sitter. I sent her money every month that she was gone. I later deployed that nov and we worked on things, come to find out she was still cheating on me.
I filed for divorce when i got back but she begged me to cancel it so i did, I wanted my family. We went our seperate ways and it was over in june 07. I still was sending her money every month until my daughter came down in july 09. I always thought she was in the best of care and her mother was doing all she could, what i didnt know is that she partied all the time and hardly ever spent time with our daughter.
We filed for divorce in june and our daughter came to me in tx in july, when i realized she knew nothing how to dress herself, potty training, eat properly, bath herself, nothing. she couldnt do it. she was very incompetant to do anything for herself. My now wife, then gf and i started on her and got her potty trained within two weeks of coming to me, her mom said she "wasnt ready" which found out to mean she didnt have time. Our daughter only talked about her grandmother never her mother.
When the court papers started I filed for primary custody, then it went to harassing phone calls from my ex and her always wanting to buy our daughter things to ensure that she was wanting to go home to her, she is 4 years old. We went to court and she hired an attorney and the judge didnt listen to anything I had to say, her mother admitted to lying to try to get her way and it was deemed okay to the judge, and the fact she took her daughter to my mothers so she could"work" instead she had an undersage drinking party at her house, was okay. Or the fact that when our daughter went home for xmas to see her mom for a month, her mom and her sister got drunk 2 hours before they were supposed to go pick her up from the airport. Or that when our daughter came back to me, she was no longer potty trained and was told by her mother that she didnt need to listen to me or my now wife, and it was all okay. The judge said it was the pressure of going abck and forth. I am still to this day trying to re potty train her and it is failing.
In court the judge granted her primary and me summers. her mother doesnt think she needs to go to preschool so he will be with me until august and then go to her mothers and back to me in feb until next august until she starts kindergarten. This too was said in court andwas dissmissed. Her mother still lives at home and has no responsiblilties she blames what is wrong with our daughter on the way she was raised on me joining the army and "abandoning them" by leaving for basic although she knew I was joining and on her step mother since she still lives at home and she primarily takes care of her while my ex is out "living her life"
With the Judgement, I want to know if there is any hope for me getting my daughter in the fuuture, she is sooo messedup right now its never going to change until she can stay in a home with structure and discipline. The Judge deemed me unsuitable since I live out of state and in the army, i found that wrong. Since she has her grandparents there that is all that mattered nothing about her mom being suitable or me having a wife and family whom my daughter loves to be around and involved in since she doesnt get it at home.
Any advice would be most helpful. please only constructive critisim.
Thank you

Did you appeal the decision? If not, you can try to file for a modification based on a change in circumstances. Did you have an attorney? I would not suggest trying to modify custody without an attorney since you are out of state. Have you browsed through the information in LawInfo's Free Legal Resource Center to learn more about your issue yet? See: http://www.lawinfo.com/consumer.html and http://resources.lawinfo.com/en/index.html. Search the "Free Legal Resources" tab, or browse the Consumer Resources. Good luck.

Hey put name,

Thanks for agreeing to talk to me about put name. I would like to start off by saying that I love put name with all my heart, and I know I've made mistakes in the past which we learn from and grow as a parent, every parent makes mistakes it's learning form them and growing. As I mentioned on the phone I wouldn't like to talk to you about this over the phone nor when your at work, just to protect my well being nothing personal. So here's what I propose.

I would like to alternate one week with you and one week with me, weeks start at 6:00pm Sunday and ending at 6:00pm the following Sunday starting in March. Everything else that we agreed on by your lawyer would stay the same, I just want to split custody and give put name another side of parenting she lacks.put name attitude(s) and thinking shes older than she is from my perspective is that when she goes to your parents they are tired from working all day and night, and with their health under par they just don't have the energy to keep up. Your mom works third shift and your dad works first shift so when they get home they are tired and sometimes ask put name to watch her two other twin sisters, leaving her to be a authority figure which is too much for a ten year old, put name needs time to be a kid. Also when Jasmines with me and Tonya, Jasmine will have her own very own room so that way if its privacy she wants or needs she'll be able to have that. During the summer vacation we would split it down to a month and a half with you and the other half with me and the week on and week off would resume starting with your time first. I strongly feel that with your mid shift schedule prevents put name from getting the proper sleep that is needed to obtain performance in school and other life events, and waking a child from a deep sleep and when getting home not enforcing her to go back to bed and allowing her to stay up is not good for proper brain development which can lead to big attitude changes drop in grades etc,. I'm not bring this into light to hurt nor slam you in anyway, or to say your unfit, but to see our daughter do the very best she can and grow to be a responsible adult one day.

Also when these changes are made I will agree to pay child support for the amount that was governed by the courts, sixty a week, and when child support is up to par I will then in return still pay sixty a month to help you with food for when she's with you, and when my tax exemption is done which is two tax years, you can claim her till she's eighteen or when school is finished. I hope you read this and take this proposal into consideration.


This is a copy for anybody on here needing help write a fair custody from a fathers perspective. Like I said in the letter and stress it, its not about the money! I had a lawyer look at it to see from her side would it be good enough to send to my ex and not sound threatened. So tell me what you think

Thanks,
put name

The short answer to a long question is simply consult a lawyer and he/she will do the rest for you.