Ok, the whole story is very long, but basically my wife (soon to be ex-wife) is Bi-Polar Stage 2. She also was nearly killed in the May 22nd Tornado in Joplin, MO. I think she just has had too much to deal with and on September 11 she filed for divorce. We were married 16 years. Our daughter is 12...she will be 13 on 5/29/2012. My ex-wife has been caught cheating several times, including my daughter walking in on her and another man a couple of years ago...I have continued to try to make it work, but like I said before finally on September 11th she file on me. She gave me basically everything I wanted including having my daughter live with me except for 3 hours on Tuesday nights and Every Other Weekend. Since the temporary parenting order was put in place over 60 days ago...my ex-wife has only bothered to come see my daughter 2 times. And, she has only been to 2 of her sporting events...she has missed 15+ of them. I actually begged her at times to come spend time with her daughter and she won't...instead she works overtime shifts or babysits other peoples children. She WANTS joint custody, but doesn't want anything to do with her most of the time. I really think the joint custody thing is just so she can tell her parents that she didn't give up her daughter.

Anyway, I have been told by several, including my own attorney that if we fought her we would probably win full custody because of her actions, and because of her Bi-Polar. My daughter, again 12, wants to tell her story to a judge, but I don't know if that is a good idea or not. The way my ex-wife has set it up for us, I kinda think it might be better just to "lay low" and get it over. She probably won't ever come get her daughter anyway. Oh, by the way...my ex-wife also MISSED her parenting class that she was scheduled to go to over a month ago...she was LATE for it. And, now even though it has been over 60 days (our waiting period) it can't go to court till she goes to this class. I did my class within 2 days of being served the divorce papers.

Another important piece of info...my ex-wife has an apartment in Joplin, MO that is a studio apartment with NO bedrooms at all...she only has 1 futon type bed that she sleeps in and nothing for my daughter to sleep in if she ever stays there. My daughter doesn't want to stay there...ever!

Ok, now to the question...We live in Kansas and my daughter wants to know when she is OLD ENOUGH to ask the judge NOT to go to her mom's apartment. She doesn't mind seeing her mom when she comes to games and stuff, but she doesn't want to ever have to stay at her apartment. So, what is the age? Does Kansas have an official age?

HELP!

Yes, 18. Children don't get to make those decisions, and unless an ACTUAL event has occurred when the child was forced to sleep on a raw floor, the court won't make a decision based on "if's", and honestly, some 70% of children on earth don't have a bedroom at all, and manage to do just fine. Maybe part of the reason mom isn't more involved and using her visitation is that she feels bad about her meager living space. Who knows. You could absolutely win full custody - but that doesn't really change the dynamic because there's nothing to indicate that mom wouldn't still get the same amount of visitation. Visitation is seen by the court as a right, not a responsibility, so mom is under no legal obligation to exercise her awarded visitation. Since she's not actually doing so, and the child hasn't ever been put into the situation of not having anywhere to sleep, it's likely a moot issue.

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While pointers can be helpful, ultimately the number one lesson in any legal action is: don't take legal advice from books, family, friends, co-workers, police officers, grocery clerks, web sites, or people on legal message boards. The only person who can give YOU legal advice is YOUR attorney.

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I agree with aardvarc. Have you browsed through the information in LawInfo's Free Legal Resource Center to learn more about your issue yet? See: http://www.lawinfo.com/consumer.html and http://resources.lawinfo.com/en/index.html. You can certainly try to speak to a lawyer to determine what legal options may be available. In the meantime, you may be able to learn more on your own. Search the "Free Legal Resources" tab, or browse the Consumer Resources. Good luck.

Ok, I understand. Trust me, I have looked the other way on a lot of things. The whole 70% of the children on the earth don't have bedrooms arguement is one I don't agree with...that may be so about the children of the earth, but my attorney and several others have told me that she is supposed to set up a living area with a bedroom or at the very least a bed where she can sleep. Neither has happened...and another piece of information. She makes MORE money than I do so she has the money to make it happen, but again she chose to do this...I guess I am not sure about the "age" thing either because my attorney tells me that although Kansas doesn't have an definite age, the judge is allowed to visit with the child and decide if the child is "mature" enough to help him make the decision. I was just asking to confirm what he was telling me. Anyway, I do agree it is probably a mute point since she doesn't seem to want anything to do with her daughter. At some point, VERY SOON, Sydnee (our daughter) is going to be in high school and then neither of us will probably see her very much...I remember what it as like when I was a high school kid...I hung with my friends...not my parents. Thanks anyway!